All I Can Say is......Got Damn........

“The amount of Tears, I cried while writing this…”

I woke up Sunday Morning in the Hospital. Not sure how I got there but I got a feeling I would soon remember when I sobered up. All I had was my wallet. No cell phone or no purse. The serious of events that lead up this was unreal. Having no recognition on what happened that night is a mere repeat of what I have been through before. I cried my heart out the next morning. And to “him” I am truly sorry. Went to go talk to a physic a couple of days ago. She mentioned the fact that I am struggling between two people in my love my life. And that I need to leave “My Ex” alone, “My Ex” could ruin the relationship between this new guy and me.  “My Ex” didn’t ruin it, I did. I still have some things I am struggling within myself as a person. And when I get to situations like this, I always find myself alone. Maybe that’s a sign for me to be alone for a while. Being in New York, I can get lonely sometimes and rather go out and search for something, I need to learn patience and let it come to me. Ladies, if a guy kicks you out his care in the middle of the highway, truly states he doesn’t give a shit about you. More over once you tell him that you are pregnant and he calls you a liar and even more upsetting. Here I am once again struggling with the fact that I have a lesson to learn here. I am known as a strong independent black woman. I can handle a lot. I have been through a lot. That night I am thankful that I had an emergency credit card on me and was surrounded by strangers that were willing to help me. As you grow up nothing gets easier in life. When you think you are over one challenge that are a million more waiting around the corner. I guess it’s all about how you deal with things. And in this situation, the only thing I can do is pull grown woman hat on and move on. One thing the physic commend me is how much faith and determination I have. She said for me to be so young, I have accomplished a lot. I have a lot more to accomplish and even though what might seem as a minor set back, best to believe this will be my greatest come back. Talked with my mom today some what about the situation. She said, “Sometimes you have to do things different to get a different result”. I think that’s my problem, I keep doing the same thing over and over again. She also explained to me how sometimes God will put you in situations to be by yourself for you to work on self-reflection. Even though this blog is pose to be a self-reflection of me, I haven’t been as honest as I can be. The physic told me that I would have a good summer this year. I can only hope so. It’s June 1st and the first day of summer is June 22nd. In the end, its really time to make some changes some for the better some for the goodness of now. I don’t know what to say to him at this point but I’m sorry. As I wipe my tears away, there is nothing lost here just more knowledge and understanding gained. So here is to the young black single independent woman getting ready for some real life changing decisions.