#healing Part 1

“How can you expect for someone else to make you happy, if you yourself don’t know what makes you happy?” -Gabrielle Union

Had a small conversation with myself this morning after looking at countless women empowerment videos yesterday. “Am I truly healed from my past situationships?”. For example, my relationship with “My Ex”.  Am I truly healed from it? And all honesty when you are healing, you become okay with being by yourself. I had to be honestly say no, I’m still trying to find the means of being okay by myself. I have a tendency to use work a distraction from what I may be going through in my life. And that’s kind of the reason why I always two jobs. I can wrap myself up in work and not to think about what’s really going on in my life.  See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

I’m one of those random ass females. I will ask you a random question regardless if it makes you uncomfortable. The best way to find out some shit is asking questions. So I asked every guy that I have been dealing within the past couple of months, “What is somethings that I do or have done that turns you off”. Pretty much every guy was shocked but was completely honest with me. The only one that didn’t answer my question was “This One”. He sent back the rolled eye emoji and told me “goodnight”. That people is what really piss me off. JUST BE FUCKING HONEST!! Usually I would’ve been a little firecracker and popped off. But this time instead I just said, “okay”. I’m not giving CPR to any more dead situations with him. And I know I say that often but I really need to start healing from him. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

I guess you can say the “Young Boy” has forgiven me from that drunken night because he has agreed to go on this “Date” with me. Am I nervous yes. Do I feel like he will stand me up, yes! But after us talking on the phone for 2 hours yesterday about life in general. I think we will be okay. One factor I have discovered about the “The Young Boy” is he’s  a very emotional person. And he has some things he needs to heal from as well. So today while we are out, I don’t want neither one of us to think about life. Just to truly enjoy each other's company. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

I haven’t received any call backs from the bars I did interview with. I’m okay with taking a break and only work one job right now. I have so much I could do. My anxiety has been really through the roof and I feel it’s my body telling me to slow down and actually sleep. So yesterday I called off work and did nothing but sleep and meditate. Self care is the best care. And while you are in your healing process  just remember you gotta take care of you first! See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.