“It’s easy to mess around when you have someone, its hard when you try to make him that someone”. -My Big Cousin Joy
And after that trip our situationship might take a lot more work than I thought…
I was actually ready to come back home from Indianapolis. It snowed the entire day on Saturday, plus you need a car to get everywhere, and there is nothing really to do. I was ready to get back to the city and make money. I was happy that I could spend time with “My Love” but on the flip side of things we are two completely different people. For example, he is the type of person to stay in. I am okay with staying in maybe a day or when its really chilly out. But the next day I need to be out doing something. Saturday it snowed which I understood why we stayed in, but on Sunday I thought we were going to be out. Instead we got dinner went to a bar and I had one drink then went back to his crib. It wasn’t nothing special nor romantic as I thought it would be. I thought I would be greeted at the train station with flowers, hug, and a kiss. But instead he was 20 min late picking me up and with his friends. Trust me people I am not complaining at all but I have known “My Love” since I was 17 and I expected more out of him. His friends were cool so I didn’t mind. It wasn’t until Saturday when he started picking arguments with me. Now, I am not the one to pick arguments anymore myself, but I have done it so often that I can tell when someone is picking one just to pick it. It wouldn’t have turned into several arguments if he would have watched his tone with me. I am an emotional creature when it comes down to it. At times I can dish it and take it but when it comes to “My Love”, I can’t take it. After one argument on Sunday night, I went to the bathroom and cried. I came out and went to sleep. Didn’t say anything to him. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I can honestly say this, sleeping all day on saturday was the best! I needed that recovery from St Pattys day weekend. And to be honest, my anxiety has been through the roof so my sleep pattern has been off. I missed cuddling and “My Love” is definitely a cuddler all the way. It was times were I look over at him and thought, “All these years and here we are finally” and how much I loved him as a man. I also thought, “Damn all these years and now he wants me after pushing me away for chicks that basically used him”. Next I thought, “but he so damn sexy, and the sex is amazing, finally after all these years I have the opportunity to make him mine”. But after his attitude with me asking why does he love me, made me reconsider about all of our years. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I love him. No denial in that. But after spending a weekend together, I can tell he still thinks i'm the 17 year old Tati he first met. I want “My Love” to understand that I have grown so much since then. He needs to take the time to learn the new woman that I am today and not the woman that I was years ago. He needs to understand what type of woman I am when it comes to a relationship vs the person I am when we were fucking around. I dont wanna throw in the towel yet because we have all these years. But we if we are relying on all these years and if that something we are holding on to, then we will never get to experience the true virtue of us! Besides after “The Young Boy” sent me off when I got back on Monday makes me not want to waste my time on anyone anymore. See the irony this? All the more reasons why not to date her.