"If you don't jump, you will never soar. When you first jump your parachute may not open. You will get cut on some rocks. But you don't know if you can soar, if you don't jump"
So I did it. I got another job on the spot at a bar. Even though others may disagree I did the most adult thing I could do. Living pay check to pay check is no fun. Besides I would rather use my extra time to make more money than to sit on my ass doing nothing. Or more over going out spending money I don't have. My mom says I could save money if I want but, my lifestyle is too expensive and this is so true. I'm still on hunt for a new career move. For the past two weeks, I wake up and put in at least 5-7 applications a day. I have gotten call backs from at least an hand full of them. I have gotten job offers on the spot from at least three of them. I declined them all. Why you may ask? It didn't feel like the right choice. As my manager explained to me, I am valued at this company so when I make my next career move, make sure it's the right choice. That and also I'm still under contract. But until my contract is up, it's nice to know that my resume is impressive and I can get a job if I wanted to on the spot. I sat down and made a list of everything I would want in my career move and made two separate columns of everything that I love about my current role and all my skill sets. I placed that sheet on my refrigerator and look at it daily as a little reminder to this universe here.
With working two jobs now and my mom being sick, I haven't really had time for any love or "situationships". My love life sucked and it still sucks. Haven't talked to Dj in three weeks (which is okay honestly, I would rather for us to stay as friends). I Haven't had sex in a month. With me getting rid of my starting 5 guy line up, I guess you can say this is the perfect time for me to practice some sort of celibacy thing. I do however, have my eye on this guy but the mutual "friends" we have in common just won't let us be great. Time after time I just find myself around unnecessary "fuck boys". So I am removing myself from all of that and staying content.
As I approach my stop on this train, Im trying to channel my mixed confused energy into one big ball of positivity. Doors are opening and my head is high. And I am destined to be this content person who is so ambitious and won't stop for anything to get the career of her dreams. So here is to me, for pushing through it all and having a moment of clarity.
"Young lady you have three strikes against you in this world..you're young..black..and a woman"
Taking a leap of faith this week and applying for a second job. A waitress position on the weekends at a bar would be ideal. I could still work during the day. I know a second job might seem a lot for me right now but what else can I do..I need more money. Last week was all about me taking a step back and putting things in perspective. My final liberations are these: New job by the end of this year, enroll in school next year, save and invest in myself for the future. To be honest, I'm nervous about looking for another job. I haven't done this type of field work in years. I know my resume is impressive because of the amount of work I have put into my present company I work for. I spoke with "DJ" last week when I was at our mutual friend store. To him, we have a lot of things to discuss. I don't know what that means considering I was pretty tipsy and this was after boozy brunch. Apparently he wasn't speaking on the situation that occurred last week. So, I'm really confused. My best friend says he isn't the one for me. How can I be as busy as him and put more effort in this "situationship"? A question of inquiring minds that all black women would like to know. Maybe she is right. But at this point, all my focus needs to be on looking for another job. All in all through out this new leap of faith, I can't let my current job suffer. I still have to give 120% or more. Or at this rate 200%. I think me looking at my bank account everyday is pushing me to want to do better. Crazy as it might sound every time I think I can make a way or make 100 dollars stretch for a week; I always find a way. Something always happen. My friends, it's true you give blessings up and they always come back down to you. Laying here looking at the new tattoo on my arm to remind myself this one saying, "live in peace..not in pieces". And that's being young black and living.