"The things he constantly brings up about me". Why do I even matter in your relationship?"
Went straight from the club to the airport. Honestly this mini vacation is what I needed. It's been so much going on in Chicago. Trying to find my way in a new office while also prepping for all three court cases against "My Ex". New York felt like home all over again. All the love that I received and courage of inspiration back there. A part of me misses it. The city that is. That rush of grind mode feeling of being a part of that city. The fast pace lifestyle is what I truly missed more. Didn't get a chance to see "My weed man" or my "my best friend". Simply didn't have time. Instead I worked and relaxed. I'm excited to know this year I can spend the holidays with my family. And after all I really missed my moms cooking. 2nd year for me being single on holidays and no thought of that train of thought comes to mind. I have gotten to the point where I'm comfortable and don't care about having a new fling. I do however have my eye on a couple of guys. But I'm really not that invested in them as I normally would be. The fact is, it's holiday season. It cuddle weather. Everyone wants that one person just for the cuddle weather. Nah not me! Im good. Less problems to worry about. I started to date this guy name "chef". I brought "chef" around my family just to see how well he gets along with everyone. To my surprise he is able to make conversation with everyone. He is a free spirit just like me. One thing about "chef" is I can't quite seem to figure him out. Like one minute he talks about being in a relationship and then the next minute he talks about taking our time and getting to know one another. Very confusing and as a young black independent women I don't need another confusing thing in my life right now. Another thing about "Chef" is he's not showing no type of urgency to actually date me. Granted he is a chef so he can cook whatever meal he pleases. And I totally get that fact that he does have a kid so things might be tight there. But, I'm the type of person that likes to go out. I'm not asking to spend 200 on a meal but I'm simply asking for more than just a night cap with a meal and Netflix. Not saying my standards of dating are high but Netflix and chill is not on this woman's agenda every time "Chef" wants to hang out. Yes ladies the sex was amazing. But it's going to take more than just amazing sex to win this young black independent woman over. Speaking of sex, I didn't like the way he came about having sex with me. I mean damn can we just cuddle and lay together? So why does spending the night have to turn into sex? Why is it when a FEMALE'S says no, males feel the need to push up on us even more? I must admit it made me feel uncomfortable. FURTHERMORE who gives a shit when a guy says "he's not like the other guys". Honestly men, we all know that's bullshit so please just stop. So as I sit here and think can I see myself with "Chef"; truth is I can't. And maybe it's me not wanting to date yet, but whatever it is maybe I can use him just for those late night one offs. Or better cut off all ties. Sometimes in life it's better to burn bridges because it prevents you from crossing them again. And this bridge I'm burning with "My Ex" seems to find its way back to me. So here is to me. For taking three days to write this blog all while having my eye on "the one".
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple"
I can sit here and go crazy happy on a twitter rant but that wouldn’t work for me. Unlike him, I had a happy place..an happy ora. And now that peaceful ora bubble is broken. I had a clear conscious mindset. I was at peace with career, life, and myself. I thought I had let go of all the toxic people I have ever encountered. But like karma and they always find a way back. Three weeks into Chicago and what seems like the worst happened. I ran into “My Ex” and his new girlfriend at Starbucks with the non-intention on seeing him. I was in a dying need of a green tea. I have been trying to get in contact with him for some time about charges that appeared on the phone bill and also his address for court papers for our last apartment we had. I guess you can say our feelings got the best of each other because the way were screaming and yelling made it seem as if we two people who didn’t have any sense. “My Ex” grabbed me and pushed me out the Starbucks location. While I’m on the phone waiting for the police, “My Ex’s” girlfriend comes out the store to start questioning why do I have a problem with her. I explained to her that the problem isn’t with her and this has nothing to do with her. But I’m guessing what he has installed in her about me has gotten to her. She put her hand in my face and I smacked it. Two random ladies on the street broke up the fight. “My Ex” stood there and didn’t do a thing. The police arrived but my take side of neither story nor a report on my end was taken. I went to the police station to make a report against him. I have been in Chicago for only three weeks and this has happened. This is the thing people, when you are doing you know better. When you are happy in a happy place no one who is toxic can poison your happiness. I let that happy. And as a young Independent black woman, I am ashamed of that. According to his twitter rants, I’m made out to the be “The Crazy Ex”. I’m made out to seem as if I want him back and was jealous of his new relationship. The problem is that’s false. When you as a woman know better, you start to do better. I can sit here and talk about the million things that I have done for him. But that wouldn’t help. The fact of the matter is this, my credit is completely fucked up from the last apartment that “My Ex” and I had in our name together. And now it’s hindering me from doing the things that I want to do in my life. Ladies, this is what I don’t get, as a woman how can you listen to what a man has to say about another woman if you have never met her? Where is the pride and dignity at as a black woman with three kids? I’m 24 years old and damn sure not about to entertain someone who still has “job” at 37 years old and not a “career”. I feel truly embarrassed that I sat there and entertained that whole fight situation. I’m better than that. I have so much more to live for. Since I have my shit together at only 24, to him I will always be “The Crazy Ex”. In the end neither him nor her is worth it. My peaceful ora bubble is broken. I have been taken out my element. He is toxic. Every time I get around him, nothing good comes out. Three weeks back in Chicago and our first time seeing or talking to each other and this happens. So here is to me, for finding some real soul searching to get me back to a peaceful state of mind. Shit happens and life moves on. You just have to know what battles are worth fighting for and judging how flawless my life is right now, this is not.