Chapter 3 pt. 3

"There is a certain feeling I have in stomach walking to work today. What does this mean?"
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It's now 5 months left in the year of 2016. All I can say is wow. Trying to keep my faith while going this financial struggle while also struggling through work and getting this blog up and running like I need it to. At 25 I think I'm going through a mid life crisis. When everything seemed so clear, now I feel like my path is unclear. Stuck and hopeless is how I feel now. I'm more stress than anything so I drink more than anything. Last week I went off my last guy. Granted I wanted my keys back from him, but when I really think about the situation it wasn't the smartest of me. At three am I called him tipsy saying that I left my keys at the bar. I really didn't, I just wanted to see if he was going to come over. He did and we argued. That night or morning, he was all types of bitches. Now he is on tour for a whole entire month and I didn't get a chance to spend one romantic time with him. Maybe him being away will bring us closer. But that's not a big problem right now. In struggling in life. I don't know if this the career I want to be in anymore. I'm unsure and I'm asking for all the clarity that the universe could possible give me. With 5 months left in the year, I have a lot of shit to accomplish. I thought I was going back to school this semester, but that might have to wait until next semester. Until I'm actually where I need to be at in life all around. I had a talk with my long time friend who store I visited. He suggested that it's time for me to move and spread my wings else where. That I have so much more potential. This maybe true. The fact that I am pissed at the videographer is not answering my phone calls about the last video I did is more pressing than ever. That video was going to put this blog on the map. That was the perfect video to describe the who what when where of this blog. With "DJ" being on tour for a whole month, my blog video not being done, my lost focus at my job, my financial struggle, it's going to be one long month in August. But this young black independent woman has to get it together. It seems like my motivation for being great is lost and I'm on a constant search of getting back.