"Thank god for the free thinkers for you keep me in mind, in the state of mine that I'm in, for you keep me in the race of baton that yall give"
How could one pass up the offer they gave me? I find my mind racing more this week. Nothing can turn it off. I'm lost. Don't know which direction to turn to. Living in New York has taught me a lot. And yet, it has made me stronger than ever. This is my child hood dream, but could I realistically keep living here knowing my other dream is out there waiting for me to turn it into a goal? If I move back to Chicago, I can have it all. If I stay here in New York, that dream might have to be put on hold. When I sit down and write out my pros and cons, I am not missing out on anything in New York. I have nothing here that's holding me. But my pride, my god my pride gets in the way of making this decision one easy to make. So what I am to do? Take the offer that have not given to anyone but me. Or stay here in New York and have the constant struggle of making ends meet at my job? I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't take risks. I wouldn't be where I'm at if I wasn't a rebel child. I wouldn't be as ambitious as I am if I didn't have big goals that I must continue to achieve. My mind and my heart are not speaking to each other. Nothing feels right at this moment. And a part of me wonders about "My bestfriend" and I since we did cross that line had that moment of late night intimacy. As I walk out the train station and to job on Madison ave, I ask myself why me? Why put this hard career choice on this young black independent women?