“It might hurt now, but like the others you will soon move on from him too”…
Lately my sleep patterns have been completely off. I find myself waking up at 3 am and not going back to sleep until 5 or 6am. I want to call it stress and honestly, it might be stress. Besides my period being three weeks late, I’m trying to juggle a lot of responsibilities at work. There have been lots of conversations with my managers in the possibility of creating this one position. I know this may take some time, so I finally thought what could help me get to the next level. I have never been so nervous in my life to tell my manager I wanted to go up for this other position. I know I have it in me. I know I have what it takes. From this point on, I have to prove myself, worth, and talents even more. From this point on, I do not need any interruptions. Sometimes it amazes me as an young independent black woman, how well I can continue my success and growth in my career but my love life is at a constant sinking ship. Three months ago, I remember being happy that I was by myself. I want to get back to that point again. I think I so caught up while dating “This Guy”; I got really excited for myself. He swept me off my feet because he was different. He is amazing when he can be. The problem is we are trying to grow in all areas individually therefore we are not growing together. As bad as I want to be with him, I don’t want to force something that is not meant to be at this moment. Now I know what you are thinking, why not compromise to achieve growth as one? The problem comes in when you have two different people in two different lime lives their worlds clash and prevents compromising. So instead of going on and on of what the expectations are for one another, I am deciding to put this on hold. “This guy” is great and all, but I feel myself creeping back into my “crazy girlfriend habits”. Knowing that I am better than this and I have changed in all positive ways, right now is not the right time. So no more drunk text messages to him. No more blowing up his phone at 1am wondering is he coming over or not. No more wondering about him at all. My energy level is all over the place and it’s time to get back to the basics. I have a lot more shit to accomplish in three months and like I said, I need no more interruptions from the grind at all.