2am...

It's been two years and he finally decides to send me a message. I'm talking about the one that I thought was the one. The one I ended my relationship for. Two years I waited for an apology from that guy. And in two years I can officially say I'm over it. Even though it took him two years to apologize and actually say it, I have already forgiven him mentally and spiritually. I guess the more I grow, the more I start to not worry about holding grudges. So I accepted the apology and moved on with life. It's easy to move on from life in this type of situation but what about my rape situation? I talked it over with my mom and from her point of perspective everyone is worried about me. Everyone who has read this blog is. I don't like to talk about it too much because I'm trying to move on pass it. I know everyone is concerned and worry about me but I'm fine. This is something I have to help myself with. My plan was to never go to counseling about it but, after waking up at 2am with an emotional break down, this might be my only way. I broke down because I thought about what if That didn't happen to me? That situation was my deciding factor with moving back to Chicago. That situation was the deal breaker. Now that I am back, I have to deal with the court cases between My Ex while also gaining a new perspective of being back in the Chicago office. I feel with me being as senior as I am at this company that I can not Fuck up. And with me putting the pressure on myself trying not to fuck up, I did fuck up. To the point where I felt no one had my back. I'm not going to elaborate on that situation because it's work. I also told myself I would keep my company out of this blog. But being that I am young and senior at this company I have to take in consideration that not everyone is going to be in the best interest of me. With me writhing this blog I have opened my life up to the world. So how can I move pass when someone tries to critique or ask me questions about it? How can I as a young black independent woman move pass all these things make something good happen out of it? So here is to me, on my way to work to facing what I did wrong. All while setting up a this therapist session to move pass the "pass".