The ground beneath me.....

"I often have to remind myself how young I am"..
-My walk to work thoughts

I have never been this broke before a day in my life. When they say you really can't save money in NYC, you really can't. At this point, I'm tense. My energy level right now is all over the place. I want to focus on myself and this move. But that's the thing that has my energy all over the place is, this move. I remember back to this time last year having this exact same feeling. That feeling of being of pressure at stake running high. That feeling when your back is against the wall and there is no room to breathe. That feeling of emotional under pain. I want to cry about this. But crying won't do anything. I'm nervous and me moving back to Chicago seems so right. I only could think about what could possibly go wrong. Okay people, I know those types of thoughts are not pose to be running through my head but hey what can I say. I am the over emotional creature right now. Just unfollowed "My Ex" on all social media. At this point I can't do a friendship nor a simple conversation. For a person who feels they should not have their personal life private on social media-I'm sorry hunny but posting your new girlfriend as your WCW is not having your personal life private on social media. What makes matters even worse is this damn phone plan we are still on. I want him to get off. Hell I want myself to get off, but the way my money is acting funny right now-it would be best if he stays on and helps to pay the bill. I woke up this morning with that mental state of wanting to be out this "CITY".  I need a new change in pace. I need a different start. My mom called me about me about a hospital bill. And I think she knows about the rape incident. She kept asking me questions on why did I go to the hospital that day, I didn't feel like answering so I blowed her and told her I was getting ready for work. Knowing damn well that I was in my bed surfing the web. I'm not ready yet. And her as my mother, I know she wouldn't be ready either. I'm coming up with a plan to make my transition from office to the next as seamless as possible. Lord knows I really want to say "fuck this" and move on to the next. But that's not my character and as young black independent woman that can't be my stance on work. I have to promote two people, get my team trained up, work out problems, and be emotional and intellectual sane-all while moving to a different state. My life is tough right now. And some days I want to curse people out. (For no reason at all). Yesterday I cursed this lady out for working too slow in front of me. Yes people, it's that bad! But you know what, that's life! In life, something's might not go as planned and there might be times you have your back against the world. And the ground beneath you starts to shake and crack; it's going to be up to you to figure it all out. You know what they say, when life through you lemons, make lemonade. Well hell, I making a shit ton of lemonade and I'm selling it all right here on this blog. So here is to the people out there living in New York with 500 dollars in their account patiently waiting on pay day. Don't give up. Don't look back. Trust yourself. I'm 23 and rolling with these punches. For everything that I am not, made me everything I am.