“Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is leave them alone. Not because you don’t care, but because you do. And their evolvement is important, even if they evolve past you.”
I came home Monday after work wanting to be in complete silence. I usually never sleep in silence but that night I did. Tuesday I walked around the house and sat in silence again. I had to gather my thoughts from the past weekend and what was going on with my family. I needed to take a break from the world. My best friend came over on Tuesday. We smoked a blunt and took nap. I forgot how when smoking then going to sleep makes you wake up feeling a little refreshed. I loved it. So now instead of drinking a glass of wine every night. I might hit the blunt a couple of times and go to sleep.
Saw “DJ” over the weekend. He came over and almost missed his flight. As bad as I want things to go back as they use to, it won’t. And at this point it never will. He is just someone I like to fuck on from time to time. I officially broke it off with “Him” and I guess you can say “The Other Guy” as well. I hired “Him” as my personal trainer for the week. Thinking, this could be a bonding moment for us. Instead it wasn’t. Even though the argument was over something really small, I’m mad at the fact he would question my loyalty to “Him”. And the “Other Guy” is just an asshole. I am attracted to assholes and always have been. But right now with all the changes going on in my life, I can’t deal with another asshole. So I let the “Other Guy” go as well. Maybe it’s just not our time yet. Or maybe he really is getting back with ex. whatever it is, Saturday night I felt him taking me out my element. I need to keep my sanity in order because I don’t have any off days until the middle of April.
Although I have come to terms that I am not ready to date anyone yet, it’s bittersweet. I want companionship while also focusing on my next career move. The month of March had a lot of downs than ups and I’m so ready for this month to be over with. This month has truly tested my ability to not carry other people worries as my own. And I did for the entire month. I woke up yesterday still in silence and decided I’m not doing that anymore. If it disturbs my inner peace and my wellbeing, I don’t want it in my life period.
With everything else that is going on with my family and my best friend, I really want this month to be over for us. And I really need that trip to Vegas to clear my head even more. I can sense my family being worried about me because I haven’t talked to anyone. I’m fine; I just need some time away from people. I woke up again today not wanting to go to work. I think at this point, I’m truly over it. But I’m still going to hold on till May 1st. I’m still putting out applications out there as my Plan B. Can’t say I’m not worried but I am. Like Author Chris Bogan says, “The goal isn’t more money. The goal is living life at your terms”. And maybe that’s why you shouldn’t date her.
“It’s a lot of shit in life to be happy about”
Another short one for my readers….
I went into to work today wanting to stay to myself again. I had too much on my mind and couldn’t wait to hit the gym. I received a text from “DJ” telling me he’s back in town. As much I miss “DJ” I can’t have another guy crowd my space. Tried texting the “Other Guy” today and didn’t get a response. Maybe he is confused by the text I sent him during my drunken moment on Sunday after boozy brunch. Or maybe he read this blog and thought about how crazy and fucked up my love life is. Whatever the case may be sitting here twiddling my thumbs waiting on a text or phone call won’t help it. Our vibe was off that night and I honestly hope we get past this bump in the road.
My leadership team knows about May 1st. And I’m happy to know they all support me in my decision. Regardless if I find something or not by then, I still have the bar to depend on for some type of income. That is fine and all but I’m hoping the right job chooses me soon.
My thought process has always been different. This is what makes me, me and not her. Came home from the gym tonight and cooked dinner. Sat down and ate the delicious meal I made and started writing this blog. I have a lot of shit in life to be happy about and I’m just trying to share it with the world. If you don’t understand my blog, you don’t understand me, so this is not for you. And maybe that why you shouldn’t date her.
“Once you make me question my insecurities as a woman it’s a wrap. But I have to keep in mind that he is the Other Guy and he’s not like Him at all….”
Okay readers going to keep this one short and sweet…
It’s been 4 months since we’ve seen each other and the when the time came we didn’t talk just cuddled in the bed. Besides, I was tired with working two doubles in a row and staying up waiting for “Him”. It would have been an awkward situation if I didn’t kick the “Other Guy” out in time. I know I said I was done with “Him” and in fact I really was but when the “Other Guy” didn’t give me any sex, I resorted back to “Him”. I really didn’t mean to kick the “Other Guy” out. While cuddling with “Him” all I could think about is what other things I could have done to prevent the situation that happened with the “Other Guy”. Maybe I should have been a little more aggressive in my approach than just sitting there half way naked on his lap. Maybe it wasn’t me like his said. Maybe he really was just high as hell. At that time all my insecurities as a woman came back. And I wasn’t for it. My best friend said our vibe was off at that time and that we will eventually work things out. But now “Him” and me are back again so I don’t know where that leaves the “Other Guy” and I.
As I start to get ready for work I thought, its Monday and it’s the first day of spring. Which means a whole new start to the rest of the year and a whole new start for the week. Now is the time for me to get things back on track. I really want to take this week and truly focus on myself. Had some fun for a while but now it’s back to gym life, working, creating new goals, and getting back financially stabled. I feel some lemons are going to be thrown at me again as I enter this new transition period. But like always, I will make lemonade out of them. See the irony in this? And maybe that’s why you shouldn’t date her.
“Young Savage, be a Warrior.. Not a WORRIER”...
Lately I have been asking for a lot of clarity in my life. And last week I received it. As far as my career, my love life, and this blog. All clarity came and it all hit me at once. I’m successful this far because I did what I wanted to do. I took chances, risks without options, and figured it out as I went. When people weren’t in my corner, I had me, myself, and I backing me up and picking myself up. Granted I’m comfortable but I’m not growing. I want something different in my life and need to expand. So I guess you can say that’s what I’m doing.
Had a dream that freaked me out. My deceased godmother and cousin came to me in angel form and told me I was going to okay and I need to stop worrying. But who could blame me for worrying? With everything I have going on, I can’t believe I’m about to make this HUGE life changing effect! My mom asked if I was crazy and honestly if you’ve been reading this blog, I am. Crazy enough to the point I went ahead and made that call without an actual back up plan. My hands were sweaty, I wanted to vomit, but I went inside that conference room with confidence and did what I had to do.
I wanted to talk to “Him” about us. But talking to “Him” about us is like talking to brick wall about my feelings. So I am officially leaving “Him” alone. I tried. I really did. But I have too much more going on to let another guy suck all my energy away. I thought the “Other Guy” wasn’t going to talk to me anymore after my drunken birthday weekend. The feelings are there. But here’s the thing with the “Other Guy”. He just got out of a long-term relationship. I have been through this myself. When you are with someone for over 5 years, breaking up completely can be hard. So this is why I’m treading the waters carefully with this one. But I have to admit, I like this “Other Guy” and I miss him. Haven’t seen him since my birthday weekend and the fact we text and call each other all day everyday doesn’t help at all. I need to see him.
My Best friend and I booked our trip to Vegas next month. We really need this vacation. I was hoping the “Other Guy” and his cousin would come with us but maybe a girl’s trip is what we actually need. Maybe after this trip I would come back to a more piece of mind state. Once again I’m back to my no days off schedule. Some days I wish I had time to myself to think alone in my thoughts. Penciling in “do laundry” and setting up my weeks in advance. My calendar has become my life style. I wake up early every day just to get adult shit done. But this is the life I chose. As my friend Joe Fresh tweeted, “I always want more. That’s the beauty of being creative. If I were satisfied life would be boring. “And as crazy as this may sound, I’m happy I went into the conference room and made that move. As the “Other Guy” told me, “you are a beautiful black woman who is bold”. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you shouldn’t date her.
More than just a blogger is what she calls herself. Tatiana at the current age of 26 has built a blog based on her life. She touches on juggling love relationships, dating, family, and a successful career. Trying to find the common ground balance of them of all, she finds herself in sticky situations every time. Although she is learning to see the brighter side of things and holding herself accountable of her life, Tatiana is hoping her growth in her 20s will leave a powerful impact amongst other young women out there.