“Think I’m truly over the friends with benefits stage in my life”
-My 1am Thoughts
Finally going back to work after being off for the week. Being off for a week kind of put some things in perspective and I was able to go on a couple of job interviews. Praying and staying positive that something will fall through. But for now, it’s all about budgeting and maintaining the main bills. I’m still trying to figure out how to finance this next event. Those thoughts always make me want to sign up for an online site geared towards sugar babies. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Spending this time off work has given me a lot of alone time. I started to think about dating and the people whom I attract. They all want something sexual from me and to hang out from time to time but none of them actually want to be in a serious relationship with me. How do I get them to see that I’m more than just a “fun girl”. I have said this before, “Date me with a purpose”. And now that I am on this whole weight loss peaceful mindset journey, this is the right time for me to practice what I preach. Last night I received five different phones/texts from guys that I mess around with. I choose to ignore, masturbate, go to sleep and woke up the next day to go to the gym. This was all after meditating. So maybe that's what I need to do. I have never felt so balanced after that. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Deep down I was honestly using sex as a way for a guy to validate if I’m attractive or not. But after being on these job interviews and seeing how energy glows, I don’t need it. I ‘m a very sexual person. But I can't keep running around giving it up to every guy that comes along pretends that he is charming and has a big dick. As a young black independent woman, I have to want more than that. One thing I’ve noticed is how protective I was at the gym today of my shoulder. Even when I was the on the bus I held onto the rails very tight because of the fear of trying to brace myself if I fall. Why is it so hard for me as a woman to be that protective of my energy and time when it comes to men? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Good things comes to those who wait”.....-Unknown Person
So it wouldn't be life if I didn't have another major event to happen to me. I dislocated my shoulder and had to call off work for a whole entire week. I cried, screamed, and wanted to pass out. "WHAT THE FUCK!", I thought. How could this be happening? I thought I was on a roll with my life. Doing new things. Working two jobs again. But everything happens for a reason. And whatever this reason is, def has me sitting at home rethinking my life decisions. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
When men are sat in their ways, there is no trying to change them. They may change how they do things with you or towards you but their character will stay the same. And at that moment you gotta realize when to step away or stay. But if you stay you risk wasting your time. Like I said, this week has me re-thinking some life decisions. I think it's time for me to completely break it off with "My Love". After 11 years, he will never change. After 11 years I'm still not the only one. The whole phrase, "I'm good luv enjoy" came out last night in a text after asking who he was going out of town with. Say I'm overreacting if you want to. But ladies let's be real, if he wasn't going out of town with a female then he would have answered the question instead of being argumentative. Here I am in between jobs and with a fractured shoulder and he goes out of town with another female. But then I should have known when he ex-baby mama asked him to pay her rent. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Chicago men are interesting. Yesterday I was walking home from the hair shop. Had my arm in a sling. Minding my own business, I hear "I would fuck the shit out of you with that broken arm shorty".If I wasn't in a crippled state of mind, I would’ve ran. Went out for tacos on Monday with "This One". Nothing sexual happened. But I do miss spending time with him. My best friend asked me would I ever consider going back into a situation-ship with him. And to be honest people, I would but not right now. He is still in the process of trying to find a condo to buy and me, I'm still in between jobs. We both are not ready yet. But I do still masturbate to the thought of him and I having very nasty disrespectful sex. Maybe one we will have a conversation about the future with us but until then I will value our friendship more than anything. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Besides dating, my financial stability also gives me anxiety. And it’s because of the industry I work in. One week you can make over 2,000 and the next you may make only 300. I like working in the industry because I like connecting with people and never know who you may meet. I don't want to work two jobs right now. But if I had to, I wouldn't mind working at two different bars. So here I am stuck between my vision for my life, my goals, and my financial freedom. The best advice that was given to me this week was from my hair stylist. She said, "Tati don't let your pride get in the way of your money". As a black independent young woman, I have hella PRIDE! But if I want work for myself by the time I'm 30, then I have to make a step back. So I am finishing this post up. Getting ready for an interview with a fractured shoulder and a small chat with my old GM. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
More than just a blogger is what she calls herself. Tatiana at the current age of 26 has built a blog based on her life. She touches on juggling love relationships, dating, family, and a successful career. Trying to find the common ground balance of them of all, she finds herself in sticky situations every time. Although she is learning to see the brighter side of things and holding herself accountable of her life, Tatiana is hoping her growth in her 20s will leave a powerful impact amongst other young women out there.