“Young Savage, be a Warrior.. Not a WORRIER”...
Lately I have been asking for a lot of clarity in my life. And last week I received it. As far as my career, my love life, and this blog. All clarity came and it all hit me at once. I’m successful this far because I did what I wanted to do. I took chances, risks without options, and figured it out as I went. When people weren’t in my corner, I had me, myself, and I backing me up and picking myself up. Granted I’m comfortable but I’m not growing. I want something different in my life and need to expand. So I guess you can say that’s what I’m doing.
Had a dream that freaked me out. My deceased godmother and cousin came to me in angel form and told me I was going to okay and I need to stop worrying. But who could blame me for worrying? With everything I have going on, I can’t believe I’m about to make this HUGE life changing effect! My mom asked if I was crazy and honestly if you’ve been reading this blog, I am. Crazy enough to the point I went ahead and made that call without an actual back up plan. My hands were sweaty, I wanted to vomit, but I went inside that conference room with confidence and did what I had to do.
I wanted to talk to “Him” about us. But talking to “Him” about us is like talking to brick wall about my feelings. So I am officially leaving “Him” alone. I tried. I really did. But I have too much more going on to let another guy suck all my energy away. I thought the “Other Guy” wasn’t going to talk to me anymore after my drunken birthday weekend. The feelings are there. But here’s the thing with the “Other Guy”. He just got out of a long-term relationship. I have been through this myself. When you are with someone for over 5 years, breaking up completely can be hard. So this is why I’m treading the waters carefully with this one. But I have to admit, I like this “Other Guy” and I miss him. Haven’t seen him since my birthday weekend and the fact we text and call each other all day everyday doesn’t help at all. I need to see him.
My Best friend and I booked our trip to Vegas next month. We really need this vacation. I was hoping the “Other Guy” and his cousin would come with us but maybe a girl’s trip is what we actually need. Maybe after this trip I would come back to a more piece of mind state. Once again I’m back to my no days off schedule. Some days I wish I had time to myself to think alone in my thoughts. Penciling in “do laundry” and setting up my weeks in advance. My calendar has become my life style. I wake up early every day just to get adult shit done. But this is the life I chose. As my friend Joe Fresh tweeted, “I always want more. That’s the beauty of being creative. If I were satisfied life would be boring. “And as crazy as this may sound, I’m happy I went into the conference room and made that move. As the “Other Guy” told me, “you are a beautiful black woman who is bold”. And maybe, just maybe, that’s why you shouldn’t date her.