“Damn sis, the only way to win now is to glow up on them”....
After that, I had to take a break from the world. I had to once again pull myself and the broken pieces of my life at that moment back together again. I knew I should have stop talking to him after my birthday. But instead, I didn’t. It’s funny when one thing in my family happens, it seems as if the bad touches all of us. I found myself back at the same state that I once was in with “My Ex”. Damn! Another one? Another fight over a worthless guy that I didn’t really care about. A guy that was number 6 on my list. You would’ve thought I would have this problem from “DJ” or “Bigg” not the “Other Guy”.
We all played our part when it came to this situation. I would have never expected the “Other Guy” to front on me like that. I would never expected her as a woman to be that type of woman and come to my job on that.. And me, this is part where I should have listened to my mom when saying everyone is not your friend. Some are just “fans” of your lifestyle and don’t care. Everything in my body still wants to call him a bitch over and over again. I will admit, I did overreact by posting some things that I should have never posted about him. He took me out my element at that time. I should have known better after all the shit I went through with “My Ex”. But instead, I didn’t. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I went off the grid for a minute. I wanted to be left alone. After my little sister graduation, I had to put my life plans back in action. I don’t feel like dating anymore. Just when I thought I was putting the pieces back together, I saw “My Ex” at the club. Apparently he works there and apparently till bitter. So what happens next, I got put out the club. No biggie to me. The security tried to refund me my money back. I refused. Happy to know that I am still funding you somehow some way.
I didn’t feel like writing. I didn’t write. Writers block was a thing for me for three whole weeks. But my stickers finally arrived. Then that’s when it hit me. After all the bullshit with these men, I’m still alive. Still have a job, still have a ton of people supporting my brand and rooting for me. I have a little sister that loves me because I go after what I want. I inspire my friends and coworkers to want more for themselves. So why shouldn’t I continue chasing my dreams?. It took me three days to write this post and it still feels incomplete. Maybe that’s the point. In the end, never allow anyone to control you or how you react. You control you. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Just because my path is different, doesn’t mean I’m lost”
-Just a thought
Here I am sitting reflecting on the month of May. Lots of changes. New goals were accomplished and I can successfully say making that vast career move from working in a corporate field to bartending was the best thing I could have done. And just like I thought, I’m making “good money”. I am still struggling trying to find the right insurance for me. But, I have until next week Monday to make a final decision. My little sister prom is this Saturday and I am more than excited for it. Can’t believe my baby sis is halfway grown and is living her dream of going to Spelman University. I’m hoping she doesn’t be like me and hop from school to school and fall in love and move in with a 30 something year old guy who doesn’t have his shit together. In two weeks my best friend will be leaving me. It’s been a wild crazy ride her staying with me for the past month. We fight like sisters but have that type of relationship where we could talk things out. Needless to say, no panic attacks at all. And to me that says a lot about my life now.
Made the final decision to not hit up the “Other Guy” anymore. It doesn’t feel right. And I still think the “Other Guy” and his ex are getting back together. How can I possibly build a relationship with that always on my mind. Went out Memorial day weekend. Didn’t drink too much. I met two new guys. One is the “Football player”. I went back to his hotel after leaving the club on Saturday. Sex was amazing and he seems very interested me. Told me to stay in bed and order room service. That Sunday I was late for work. But hey you would be too if he told you the same thing. On Sunday during my shift I met this “Special kind of Guy”. It was one of things were we just wanted to be friends but later that night after hanging out with him, I can tell we could be something more. The difference between these new guys I met vs the “Other Guy” is their not cocky, very down to earth, and are making plans to see me. Through our conversations, I can relate to them more. But, the “Other Guy” knows me better than them. And was there through my panic attacks.But above all of them “Bigg” still has my heart. I am being as patient as I am with “Bigg” only because he is a “Big Deal” right now in the industry. I want to keep us as private as possible. My other friend says “Tati” you are living every girl's dream right now”. But am I really? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
The “Football Player” is coming back this weekend. I told him we would hang out. Between my little sister’s prom and me needing to focus on getting more money, I am going to be on Ice mode for the weekend. One thing that I have mastered in the month of May is being totally in control of myself and my actions. With me working in a bar now, it puts a different perspective on me drinking and having some type of self awareness. I am happy I took this month only work one job and focus on myself. I got so much sleep in! I think at one point my best friend thought I was pregnant because of me sleeping so much. But it’s now June 1st and 6 more months remaining in this year. A lot more goals to be accomplish and more big decisions to be made. Maybe my friend is right. I am living every girl’s dream or just living out mine. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.