“I’m not here to suck on anybody’s dick. Sorry I got my own shit to worry about”.
When I left corporate, I wanted to be in an industry where I can be myself. And I found that being in the bar life. Yes, like any industry you have ups and downs. The most important factor is to always remember not to lose yourself in the money. Meaning being happy in whatever establishment you decide to work in. You being happy equals better tips and more money. But you have to be satisfied and enjoy the environment that you are in. I have already established that I am not fine dinning material. Not that I can’t be. I just don’t want to be. Call it me being stuck in my ways, but I enjoy the simple menus and fast, quick, tasteful cocktails. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
As baseball season starts to dwindle down, I have to think of my next steps. Ideally, I would like to work at three different bars. Three different clienteles, three different environments, three different ways I can make money. Three different bars five days out the week. Maybe if I feel up to it, I can pick up an extra shift or two on my off days. As of now, I’m in control of my money. I dictate which establishments have certain days. It’s all about having some type of control in my life so I can focus on my brand. When I was working at a bar and corporate, I felt I had no control over my life. I was working 7 days out the week and didn’t have any time to myself. And we all need that “time to ourselves.” Time to regroup, meditate, shed off the energy and vibes from others especially working in a customer service face to face industry. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I told myself the rest of these months in 2018 will be to set myself up for 2019. I have bigger dreams and bigger goals. It sucks some days not having a companion. But I have some sort of peace of mind when it comes to dating and not worry about if he's out there fucking another chick or not. Like the fantastic actress, Eartha says, “A relationship is a relationship that has to be earned not to compromise for.” “I fell in love with myself, and I want someone to share me with me.” See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Definition of table
: a piece of furniture consisting of a smooth flat slab fixed on legs
b (1) : a group of people assembled at or as if at a table
(2) : a legislative or negotiating session
(2) : an act or instance of assembling to eat : meal
I am officially done with retail yet once again. I got another job at a brand new bar with a club like atmosphere just like I wanted. It’s crazy when I thought was on the verge of getting deeper into my depression, I get something I wanted. It feels good to know that I will be working in three different bars but will have two consistent days off in a row. I will be basically making my own schedule which is something I like versus waiting on waiting on different job schedules not knowing if I will actually have an off day or not. My mind is little more at ease, and once I start doing bottle service, my mind will be even more at ease. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
My career is finally getting back on track can’t say the same thing about my love life. It’s not one guy that can hold my interest at this point. And maybe it’s because of the depression. I haven’t heard from “My Love” in two months. Not surprised honestly. It’s been the same thing for eleven years. We get back on good terms for a couple of months then he goes ghost on me. And when I finally do talk back to him, he is in a whole relationship. It’s okay; I fell for it again. Time to move on officially. Went to the Happy Place with “This One.” I thought he was going to agree to come up and cuddle and finish talking, but he declined. At this point, I’m ready to throw in the towel. I’m not hanging out with someone who makes me question my worth as a woman or has me looking in the mirror thinking, “what’s wrong with me?” “Why doesn’t he like me like that?” At this point it’s toxic. And I’ve had enough of toxic relationships in my life. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
It’s like I been saying, “you gotta know when to leave the table when you are no longer being served.” I left retail because I didn’t have the passion for it anymore. And corporate life isn’t for me and my personality. And though sometimes I may get a little anxiety talking to tables, after that first greeting I’m golden. If the things aren’t going anywhere between “This One” and I then it’s time for me to leave the situationship where it is. Looking at the expensive vibrator, he brought me for Christmas contemplating if I should throw it away or not. Remembering the reason why I stopped using it because I use to always think of him. When I told him I don’t use it anymore, he said, “let me know when you miss it.” I’m sorry sir but did I not invite you upstairs to cuddle which is an open invitation for sex. And after a year of sitting at this table, the dick is no longer being served. Friendship is okay but can you honestly have a friendship with someone you thought you could see yourself long terms with? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
Just a perspective on my life right now. There is a deeper side of me besides the men I date. These are challenges that I face on a day to day basis. Hoping this inspires the next person. Just know you are not alone in this…..
Some days I’m fine I can cope with the world. I feel like everything is going to be okay. I’m pushing through all the obstacles in my life. I’m not worried or stressed about anything because I know everything will turn out in my favor. Then its days like today, where I wake up and feel everything is a horrible dream. How am I going to make it through this month or next? I went on countless job interviews but no one is calling me back. I don’t want to be around anyone. I just want to lay in bed and be by myself. I’m more to myself than I ever was before. I know I have to keep moving because that is the only way to survive through this depression. But damn, all I can think about is “when will it be my time”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
It’s kinda hard when you are on both sides of the fence when it comes to this protest today. One part of me thinks this is going to suck because I’m not going to make money but the other part of me understands why this is taking place and the area its taking place in. I can’t say I’m not nervous about today. And I always think about what if I encounter the wrong table that is more outspoken. I can tell when a table doesn’t want me as their server. But I’m always polite and go the extra mile. What if today is that day I do encounter the outspoken table. I logged off facebook because of the comments pertaining the protest. One person even commented how he will be standing on the sideline with water balloons filled with kitty litter and water. And what’s sad is I might have to serve these people today. Lately, I’m having “eye opening days”. And today was my “eye opening day” about the world. Everyone around me keeps reassuring that I will be okay. But will I really be okay? See the irony in this all the more reasons why not to date her.