#Closure

“You being aggressive is not a bad thing. It’s actually good”
-This One

It's like this, if you want something you have to go get it. I wanted my stuff back from “This One” and I got it back. I found a way to reach him through an app. Let’s just this people, through that app I blew his fucking phone UP! He replied back saying he was going to drop it off at my job. Me being me, I yelled at him and told him to bring my stuff to my house in my hand. I didn’t want any emotions at my job. Besides I was angry and low key wanted to talk. He brings my stuff upstairs and proceeds to walk away. I say to him “So is this it?” He says, “Yea”. My heart was already beating hard because before he actually arrived there. I wanted to throw up, I wasn’t ready to face reality. But then I convinced to talk about it a little. So it’s true, I told him that I loved him and this isn’t the type of relationship he wants right now. We hugged, he told me how much of a great woman I am and that he doesn’t want to hurt me. He also said that I told him to block me on everything (even though I don’t saying remember that). We agreed to be friends and he would unblock me. We shared a couple of laughs of things that happened to us including me missing my flight back. At that moment I felt a sense of relief. I sold the concert tickets to him. Didn’t want them. But low key still wanted to go with him. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

I always put my stressful energy into work or creating something better in my life. It’s just my way of dealing with things. Received several call backs for interviews this week. I thought to myself, “Damn things are really changing”. It’s like breath of fresh air. I’m instantly going to work on my next goal as soon as I land a second gig. With this going on, I am one emotional horny wreck. And mother nature is taking forever to come down! I attempted to have sex with “Him” but he came super quick while I was giving him head. And that people was the icing on the cake for me that day literally. I was horny and masturbation wasn’t a thing for me anymore. Besides I will never swallow a man’s cum unless it was “This One”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Instead of virtually sending me money, “This One” brought me the money for the concert tickets. I was horny, hot and naked underneath my robe. I convinced “This One” to take a shower with me. And well he laid me on the bed and proceed to give me head. I came, he left, and I went to sleep like a baby.  We both know we need to take things slow. Well at least I do. I don’t want to go back into something like that again. Overall, I can tell I’m still hurting from this situation between us. How you may ask? I was on the phone with him while shopping I was describing this midi dress with a hood. He expressed how he doesn’t like dresses like that. I wanted say “Bitch what makes you think you have any say so in this anymore. I’m just talking to you cuz I'm bored and still horny and might want to sit on your face again fool”. But I didn’t say that at all. I just laughed and said okay. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Once again Anxiety has taken over me. It’s 2 am and I’m up writing trying to clear my head a little. I started to cry a because even though I got closure between “This One” and I, it’s still awkward. I think that's the reason why I try with the small talk. Key phrase, “I TRY” even though my guard is all the way up. But is he willing to try as well? As bad as I don't want to take this sleeping pill because it taste disgusting, I have to. I need to sleep because I have another interview tomorrow morning. Taking the pill and thinking to myself, I’m confused. I got closure and I’m still hurt. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.