Las Vegas was a blast! It was a perfect trip to come back home with a clean mindset. Well, this is what I initially thought. I only have a 2-weeks left at my company before switching over to become a full time bartender with the hopes of moving up to management. I keep telling myself every day “You got this”. The more May 1st quickly approaches, the more I get anxiety attacks. Had two on the plane coming back home to Chicago from Vegas. It hit me out of nowhere. I was sleep and started to feel myself breathe heavy, the hot flashes came and I wanted to scream. I kept my composure quickly walked in the bathroom to calm myself down. My best friend was sitting a couple rows ahead of me. But I didn’t want to bother her considering how drunk I was at this pool party the other day. I got some water and quickly went back to my seat. An entire hour left on this flight and I knew I was going to have another one. And 20 mins later another one came on. The flight attendant saw the look on my face I was in panic and she helped me into the bathroom and gave me more water. Why do these anxieties attacks keeps happening to me? And why are they happening more times than normal?
I have a doctor’s appointment set for next week. We should see what they say. Until then, no more drinking for me for a while. I need to relax in a comfortable mental state. With that being said, “DJ” has been in my corner for the past 3-weeks. Even though I know I shouldn’t re-kindle that flame. I kind of want to just because I know he will help me pay bills. But, before you start judging me remember that this blog is about my life! And at the end of the day, sometimes a woman must do what she needs to do for herself. It was no surprise to me when I found out “The Other Guy” is going to Denver with his friends and his ex-girlfriend this weekend. Something always told me to keep my distant from him. I am mad? No I’m not. Just a little disappointed since I did make a public apology to him in my last blog post. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I officially woke up today at 1pm. I slept myself away trying not to think about my anxiety attacks that happened on the plane. Trying to think about these next two weeks. Trying not to think about that fact I am chasing after my dream right now. Trying not to think about the fact that I myself need to get back on this momentum of doing what I want and figuring things out as I go. But that’s the problem with being a person like me; sometimes you may have so many things going on in your head once that’s hard for you to the light at the end of tunnel. In the end I just want to be set free. And maybe that’s why you shouldn’t date her.