#nofucksGiven

“The person who controls their emotions is the most powerful” -Brittany

So here I am finally able to write after having several emotional breakdowns. It’s supposed to be my blog anniversary month. I'm supposed to be happy of something I created and invested time and money in. I should be writing and planning events every day. But instead, I’m finding myself crying in the middle of the day, night, and morning. A couple of situations happened and triggered my depression. I wanted to lay in bed put the covers over my head and do nothing. That would be amazing if I didn’t have rent and other bills due. How suitable would that have been if I didn’t work in the service industry? Every day I was telling myself, “you got this”. Going into work knowing I don’t want to take tables or greet guest. But I did it and I pushed through. Now doesn’t that say a lot? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Letting my emotions get the best of me is a bad characteristic of myself that's hard for me to get rid of or change. And everything from work to my relationship with “This Light Skin Fella” has proven this. One of my male friends always describes bad situations as life lessons. Somehow once you learn to master it, new keys in life are given to you to open new doors. I truly think my life lesson in all this was learning how not to give a single fuck about things aka dropping it and letting it go. Most importantly learning how to pick and choose my battles. There was a moment I was avoiding mirrors until there were three mirrors I couldn’t avoid. The three mirrors who saw something was off with me. The three mirrors who wants the best for me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

So here I am sitting here thinking about my next big move. There has never been a point in my life where I stepped away from something and didn’t receive a greater blessing. 8 years ago, I started this blog because I wanted something of my own that I can grow. What seems like a minor business venture for some was a major investment for me. As a creator/blogger you are always thinking about new ways to invent content and grow your viewers. While also keeping in mind the viewers that have been with you since the beginning. With me working so much, I haven’t been focused on this. One of my therapist’s told me anxiety is thought. If you don’t think about it, you don’t have it. No matter what always try to keep yourself busy with something you enjoy doing. Isn’t that crazy the moment I stopped focusing on this blog, my depression blew up? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.