“Never ask a man questions concerning cheating unless you are prepared with a plan to follow after”...
It’s like this, with “This One” I want to believe everything he says when it comes to other women, but he doesn’t give me any actual reassurance. For example, he went to Belize over the weekend with his male friends. I was told it was a “Bro's Trip”. But after our facetime conversation revealing two other females was there with them and how one fell asleep in his bed got me feeling a certain way. He stated, “Nothing happened between us. She didn’t give me a sign that she wanted to fuck. Besides it's too many diseases going on out here in the world for me just to be fucking on anyone”. But then I thought to myself, “If she did give you a sign would you have fucked?”. Is that pose to a way of reassuring me that he wouldn’t mess around on me? Besides after our one conversation about the first two girls he was seeing before me and how blankly he told me if he was to do fuck another girl, I would know. At this point I don’t know how to feel about “This One”. I thought my feelings were intact but even after our mini feud over him telling me I’m controlling. And us both admitting how we are unsure we are about this situation-ship for very different reasons. I thought I could I put that conversation to rest after our date and make up sex before he left to Belize. I thought I had let my guard down with “This One”. But something tells me to put it back up. Is it too late though? Have I fallen so deep for him that I am this confused. I wish his reassurance with us would be a little more clearer. Am I over thinking this entire thing? I keep looking back at the text message I sent him, telling him I’m not giving up on us. We aren’t going anywhere. And him replying saying, “T, I like you and all but I don’t feel as strong as you do”. See the irony in this all the more reasons why not to date her.
In my career life, I’m slowly starting to miss the corporate lifestyle. I miss the black and white rules even though sometimes I hated them. When I was at TC I was a manager and respected as a manager even when it wasn’t my shift to be manager. I had a superior that gave me tools I needed to advance in my career. Not saying I don’t have that now but it's a difference. I’m in control of my tools. There are sometimes when my GM does give me great advice, but at this point I want more. I understand I am a first level bar manager and things I am learning is nothing compared to everything I still have to learn. I just got comfortable closing down the bar and making sure all the cash and sales for that day lines up. I haven’t dealt with many customer issues and haven’t managed a shift where I have to be in 10 different spots all at once. The fact of the matter is this, in coporate you have a written out path plan that is given to you by your superior. At the bar you can have a path but you gotta make the plan yourself. I kicked down a bunch of doors for myself when I was in Corporate America. But why am I so scared to take risks and kick down doors in this new setting? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
My little sister is doing amazing in college. I just hope she doesn’t loose the the great fight of continuing. It’s 87 days left in this year. Thats 87 days to make my next couple of moves to kick down doors when it comes to this blog, my situation-ship, and my career. Lately, I have been told that I am too aggressive. So I toned it down. And in doing so, I think that’s when I started to question myself as a woman. My anxiety kicked in high gear. A facebook memory photo appeared of me I took with this photogether by the lake front. That woman in that photo was strong. That was this exact time last year when I changed my blog name to “Don’t Date Her”. That’s when I became so aggressive, that I went out and got another job to support my dreams. I was aggressive for a change for myself and my life. And as “Bigg” put it to this exact same date, “You are a boos ass woman”. The one thing that holds us back in life as humans is fear of change. I have never been the type to fear change, I always invited and rolled with the punches. That is what made me a much more successful aggressive woman. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.