#thelife

“This is just part 1”......

A fuck boy in disguise is what I want to call him. And to be honest, if I had a chance to say it to his face it would probably make me feel a lot better. Like I didn’t know about the girlfriend, the girlfriend didn’t know our past either. That was until she read the blog. Now don’t get me, wrong people, I tell every guy I date about my blog. And “This One” knows he is mentioned several times in it. So why you bring your girlfriend to my event that is based around my blog that you are mentioned in? Did you not think that she was going to read it and put two and two together. As a woman, I can only imagine the way that she feels. But a part of me doesn’t really care. As always, I am doing what best for “This One,” and that's not talking to him at all anymore. However, this is more than likely the best for me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Friends remember the first guy I had sex within the beginning of the year? Well, guess who is currently spending more time together? We are! “This light skin fella” had grown on me.  But the differences I have had with others in the past is affecting us. I told myself I would never bring up anything that happened in my past situation-ships to my current ones. But I can’t deal with another lie, another wondering, and wasting more of my time. I think our biggest thing is communication. Granted sometimes I don’t communicate with him when I’m staying at work late. And he never communicates with me he is not coming back over. I understand every person is not perfect. I’m not looking for the ideal person. I know that doesn’t exist. But I am looking for communication and consistency and a level of respect for both of us. I keep expressing how I don’t want someone just to fuck on. I’m looking for someone I can build with. And since I started off the year with him like that, maybe he isn’t the one. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Overall, my event was a success. I had a great turn out regardless of the hiccups along the way. I made sure everyone there had a great time. I have a couple more events up my sleeve in the next month. At one point in January, I felt I had a lot going on. Too much and I couldn't grasp everything. I had to check myself to make sure I wasn’t going into a panic attack or back to depression. But like always, everything happens for a reason. And I could not be more grateful for my new job position at the club. I took some time yesterday during the polar vortex to self reflect on life.  I know what I want. I see myself going into that direction. I looked myself in the mirror and said, “Chill, you got this.” Took a couple of deep breathes and was able to complete this blog. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

“And now this is part 2”…..

I really hope that one day this blog gets picked up by some TV network and offers for me to turn this into a show or something. Brace yourself, people, because shit just got real!

Here I am standing here with both of them in my face. Knowing that I blankly had sex with one earlier that day and knowing that there is a possibility the other one wants to have sex. Didn’t mean for it to go down like this but it did. I was upset with “This light skin fella” because he didn’t come over for Valentine’s Day. He completely blew me off. In my mind, I’m thinking, “this is it, I’m officially done with him.” My other guy friend came over that morning to look at an apartment. I was laying in bed when it happened. The entire time “This light skin fella” is blowing up my phone. He looked over and saw who it was calling me. He questioned who it was, and I couldn’t lie to him anymore. I told him about us. He was kind of pissed at me and that fact that neither one of us mentioned it to him. I could have continued to not answer for “This light skin fella.” But at this point, he didn’t care. I expressed to “The light skin fella” that my guy friend was over here looking at an apartment which in fact he was. I kept my cool around both of them. My guy friend did tell me something about “This light skin fella” that validated all thoughts in my head. And when I asked “This light skin fella” about it, he lied to my face. The worst thing you can do is lie to me. So here I am thinking to myself whats better; to go hardcore crazy woman on him or keep my cool? But wouldn't be funny if my guy friend and I really had sex? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

It’s always some type of excuse on why we can’t go out. At this point, I'm over it. Why is it that I can call my other guys that I am dating and we can go out on actual dates. It’s not always about sex. This just isn’t going to go anywhere. I’m not going to make a scene. I will politely walk away. And if he ever asks, I would just tell him, “it’s not you; it's me.” “I know what I want. And what we are doing is something I don’t want”.  See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

Next week, I will be 28, and I’m still mother fucking single! But I can’t complain that I have been successful in whatever career choice that I have made. If I could only make the same decisions when it comes to men. Since “This One” my trust with men is completely thrown off. Maybe its time for me to retake another break. I keep telling myself this but always find myself sitting there on a date with a guy in my face. I told myself after my birthday, I was going to go on a detox to myself ready for the spring. As I move into this new role, things are harder than what I am used to. So I questioned myself, is something I really want? Then I remembered, “move with a strategy, not with emotion.” See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.