#EmancipationOfTati

“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced”. 
-James Baldwin

I think when you are in the process of changing and healing, it's very important to learn how not to fall back into old habits. I have always used the phrase, “if it doesn't make me money or bring me happiness I don't want it”. But I really wasn’t living up to it. It came to a point where I had set boundaries between everyone in my circle and had to relearn the process of being in my own little bubble. I had to master peace living in peace again. I had to refocus and reshift my thought process. And no matter how many lemons got thrown at me this time around, I once again used them to make some bomb-ass lemonade. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“I just gotta shake it off 'Cause the loving ain't the same and you keep on playing games Like you know I'm here to stay”- Mariah Carey Shake it Off

I thought “My Love” and I was going to make it this time around. We didn’t and at this point, there is no going back to the thought of us. It’s the constant pointing the finger at me on all the reasons why we are not together. It’s never any accountability taken on his part. It has gotten to the point where I started to question where I even stand in his life. And after me being emotionally drunk for his birthday and him leaving me in the middle of the club, it's quite obvious where I stand. So here I am picking up all 13 years of being in love. I gotta shake it off. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“Maybe you could be mine again, Maybe we could make that dream for real, Like way back then, When love was yours and mine, Maybe we could bring it back to life”
- Mariah Carey Mine Again

It was in May when I started fooling around with the idea of a relationship with the “Light Skin Fella”. After everything this man has put me through, there I was sitting on his dick again, buying him food, and letting him stay with me. And by the end of my blogiversary week, I came to realize this isn’t what I want. I was just bored, horny, and a little lonely. I never want to be with someone who doesn't support me or my brand at all. Furthermore, I can't be with someone who always wants to live in the past every time a situation arises. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her. 

“I'm gonna make you want to Get with me tonight I'm gonna put those naughty Thoughts into your mind I'm gonna show you clearly I can rock your world You're gonna know for sure That I should be your girl” 
-Mariah Carey Your Girl

I told myself, I didn’t want to date anymore. I needed to focus on my goals and career. I wanted to experience real love with someone. I wanted someone who can give me butterflies every day. I wanted corny dates like going to the zoo. I wanted someone who is the opposite of me but can still complete me as a woman. I wanted someone who can talk to me about their frustrations. I wanted someone who is okay with me working crazy hours and still can support me mentally when my world gets flipped upside down. I found all this and more with “The New Love of My Life”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.

 I had to write a character statement for “My Love”. That was a very emotional thing I had to do in terms of writing. Summing up everything I have learned about that man in the past 13 years. Every last emotion about us came back. And knowing we couldn't make it work over 13 years has to be the worst feeling ever. Relationship PTSD is real. There were times I put “ The New Love of My Life” through fucked up arguments. Regardless of the fact he stood by my side and reassured me. Everyone is always so curious about what will happen with “don't date her” when I officially fall in love. Well, I guess we are about to see. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.