#SandCastles

“The girls will try you. You just have to be prepared” 
 -Demario aka Black Girl Magic at the job​

​WOW! Is what I keep telling myself every day this week. WOW! I am stepping outside my comfort zone to grow in a completely different career field. The amount of love, respect, and support that I am receiving from my coworkers and friends on this transition is amazing. It gives me a lot more confidence. One thing my manager pointed out to me is that I am a hustler. I know how to go out there in the world and get it. Many don’t, but it’s a natural instinct that I have. I like to thank my mom for that. Even though she doesn’t agree with my decision, I have her black independent woman go-getter mentally to help me. Only three days left at my company and I feel as if I have so much more to do. I haven’t cried all week. And honestly this transition does not seem real. Maybe Monday on my last day I will break down. But in all, it will be nothing but tears of joy.
 
“DJ” went back on tour again. And honestly after the night he got real Hollywood on me, can’t say he is the one I want. I thought he was. But after burning sage in my hone and countless times of pure mediation, I have become one who wants to be alone and thus having some understanding about putting yourself first.  Had a small chat with the “Other Guy”. Can’t say I know where this situation-ship will end up. One minute I want him because I know we can become something great. On the flip side his stubborn non-commutative ways makes me want to call him a “BITCH ASS NIGGA”. All in all, I’m going to keep my cool. If he wants me, he will make a move. But I’m not into being the first one to always hit him up. Sorry the black independent woman in me won’t let my pride downfall in that way. We all busy in this world especially in this age group. But still if I’m working two jobs and willing to make time for you. Why can’t you do the same? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
 
I went to the doctor the other day. She wanted to put me on this anti-depressant medicine to control my anxiety attacks. I declined. I think the past couple of months I was stressing to the point my drinking took a toll on me. Thus resulted in my panic attacks. I thought about all my drunken moments in life. And you know what people; I don’t want to be that person anymore. I become angry, depressed, emotional, and outrageously horny sometimes. I can’t go into this new transition and grow without changing some characteristics within myself for the better. I want to get a point in my life where I stop building sand castles that washes away and start building sturdy empires.  I feel I can do that with this new transition. Most people think happiness is about gaining something, but it’s not. It’s about getting rid of the darkness you accumulate. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.