“This intro might be a bit confusing. And to be honest I was a bit confused on what to write.”
-Thoughts to myself while editing this
I honestly don’t know how to feel. Some days I am ok and want to work things out. Other days, I’m wondering how in the fuck did we get here. And there are days like today. Where I am overly emotional and sad. Every relationship is different and ours was really different. Could it be that we fall in love too fast? Or were we really in love? Was it a true honeymoon phase? What didn’t I see all this before? I want to move on with my life and learn how to become happy again with being alone. And back to the woman I first was before the relationship. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Social Media doesn't ruin relationships. Acting single does”.
-Some Instagram Meme
I have never been the type of woman to argue with anybody about what they put on their social media. I mean look at me, my name is literally, “don't date her”. But there is a huge difference when your significant other is blankly flirting with females. His stance was, “I put it in the comments so you can see it”. And for me, there shouldn’t ever have been any flirting in the first place. I never knew of someone who cares more about his tik tok than he does trying to fix his relationship. And that is something I have to consider if I want to go back to him. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.”
-George Benard shaw
Everyone says communication is the key to any relationship. And while they might be right they are also wrong. Comprehension is. There were times where I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings to him. There were times where he shut down and didn’t want to communicate with me. I wish we had more sit-down conversions where we both can understand where each other is coming from versus yelling matches that ended up bad. When you are building with someone it’s very important to see things from the other’s perspective. And if that means taking a day to reflect and revisit the conversation then please do so. A lot of times, things won't get solved right away. But I have learned that as a woman it is important to focus on the things you can control at that time of heated arguments, which is myself. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Don’t Rush the Process!”-My Big Cousin Joy
So here I am sitting back at my old apartment wondering how we can make this work. We went from loving one another to living together to being blocked on social media accounts to not living together to just wondering. I told myself I wanted this to be the last relationship. I was avoiding trying to feel anything. So I took a step back from everyone to really process how I feel. And still don’t know what to feel or how to feel. All I can do is take things day by day and focus on the now. Every love story has a different meaning. And every love story has a different tale to tell. But damn, why do mines keep ending like this. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“It's funny what you can do in front of a room full of people; that you can't do in front of one person” - Nina, Long Jones The Movie
Dear You...I have never met a guy who gave me the amount of butterflies you gave me when we first met. I was happy with my life, and who I have become as a person, and as a woman. I wanted someone I could build a new life with and a puppy and then come along with you.
Dear You..I became in love with you because you weren't afraid to show me that you care. Our date nights were more than just going out to eat. We actually did fun activities. We had long conversations about life in general. There was this exciting spark between us. I saw a light in you that made me feel comfortable with you. And I will never forget the first time you held me all night. I loved you.
Dear You...What happened to us? Was it when we moved in? Or was it the combination of us working together? Why do you feel the need to seek validation about your self-esteem from other women? I am not enough for you anymore? Why do I often feel you hide our relationship? Are you not happy to be with me anymore? Please make it make sense to me.
Dear You..I was only drinking because I couldn’t handle the mental thoughts that were going on in my head at times. Sometimes I wish we would have kept our relationship private. That probably would have eliminated so many other factors. And we could have kept living in our own bubble.
Dear You..I can say I'm sorry for everything that went wrong in our relationship on my part. But you have to be willing to do the same. Maybe we moved too fast with things. Maybe this is the end all for us. Maybe there's still some way for us to save this. Or Maybe it’s time I think of myself.
Dear You.. As I sit in the hotel room all I want you to do is hold me while I cry and you tell me everything will be okay. And the reality is, it’s not going to be that way. In reality I don't want to come home because I don't want to face the outcome. As a woman you always have to remember who was before the relationship and the woman you want to become after the relationship. And that's what life and relationships are all about..growing.
Dear You...Thank you...
“Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced”.
I think when you are in the process of changing and healing, it's very important to learn how not to fall back into old habits. I have always used the phrase, “if it doesn't make me money or bring me happiness I don't want it”. But I really wasn’t living up to it. It came to a point where I had set boundaries between everyone in my circle and had to relearn the process of being in my own little bubble. I had to master peace living in peace again. I had to refocus and reshift my thought process. And no matter how many lemons got thrown at me this time around, I once again used them to make some bomb-ass lemonade. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“I just gotta shake it off 'Cause the loving ain't the same and you keep on playing games Like you know I'm here to stay”- Mariah Carey Shake it Off
I thought “My Love” and I was going to make it this time around. We didn’t and at this point, there is no going back to the thought of us. It’s the constant pointing the finger at me on all the reasons why we are not together. It’s never any accountability taken on his part. It has gotten to the point where I started to question where I even stand in his life. And after me being emotionally drunk for his birthday and him leaving me in the middle of the club, it's quite obvious where I stand. So here I am picking up all 13 years of being in love. I gotta shake it off. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Maybe you could be mine again, Maybe we could make that dream for real, Like way back then, When love was yours and mine, Maybe we could bring it back to life”
- Mariah Carey Mine Again
It was in May when I started fooling around with the idea of a relationship with the “Light Skin Fella”. After everything this man has put me through, there I was sitting on his dick again, buying him food, and letting him stay with me. And by the end of my blogiversary week, I came to realize this isn’t what I want. I was just bored, horny, and a little lonely. I never want to be with someone who doesn't support me or my brand at all. Furthermore, I can't be with someone who always wants to live in the past every time a situation arises. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“I'm gonna make you want to Get with me tonight I'm gonna put those naughty Thoughts into your mind I'm gonna show you clearly I can rock your world You're gonna know for sure That I should be your girl”
-Mariah Carey Your Girl
I told myself, I didn’t want to date anymore. I needed to focus on my goals and career. I wanted to experience real love with someone. I wanted someone who can give me butterflies every day. I wanted corny dates like going to the zoo. I wanted someone who is the opposite of me but can still complete me as a woman. I wanted someone who can talk to me about their frustrations. I wanted someone who is okay with me working crazy hours and still can support me mentally when my world gets flipped upside down. I found all this and more with “The New Love of My Life”. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
I had to write a character statement for “My Love”. That was a very emotional thing I had to do in terms of writing. Summing up everything I have learned about that man in the past 13 years. Every last emotion about us came back. And knowing we couldn't make it work over 13 years has to be the worst feeling ever. Relationship PTSD is real. There were times I put “ The New Love of My Life” through fucked up arguments. Regardless of the fact he stood by my side and reassured me. Everyone is always so curious about what will happen with “don't date her” when I officially fall in love. Well, I guess we are about to see. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
It’s been a while since I actually posted a blog. Usually, I blog about men and my relationships, but this new blog post is dedicated to friendships. I have always wanted a huge friend group. I remember seeing my mom and her friends going out to the Cotton Club, The 50/50 Lounge, and even E2 back in the ’90s. They would party all night and get up in the morning and still go to work and handle their business. My mom’s friend circle consists of strong black educated women. And even if someone were to slip up, there was my mom making sure to fix their friend’s crown. I have learned from my mom’s friend circle that no matter how much time has passed, they always make sure to check on one another. For a long time, I wondered if I was ever going to have a similar friend group. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“That’s not your Friend” -Some Black Mothers in the 90’s.
I grew up in a household with all my cousins. We weren’t allowed to say anyone else was our friend because, according to our mothers, we were all we needed. So I didn’t get my first absolute best friend until I was in middle school. My mother did her best to try to explain to me what a “friendship” means. But you’ll know me; I’m “hard headed” at times, impulsive, and dramatic ass fuck. So I had to learn the hard way. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“We pick our friends, but real-life situations sort them out” .-Instagram Meme.
As a woman in the Chicago entertainment scene, I’ve always watched who I let around me. Some people were around me to get into all of the clubs, events, etc., for free. Some people were around me for clout. Others were around me to fuck a guy that I was dating at that time. I had to learn to be very observant of people and their actions before allowing them into my life. I am very protective of the people around me. I am that crazy friend that would be down for whatever! But, I am also that friend you can depend on no matter what. With that being said, my ideal friend group has to do the same. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“A wise man once told me don’t argue with fools. Because people from a distance can’t tell who is who”.
Have you ever had to remove a friend from your life because you could no longer vibe with them? Have you ever had an ex-friend try to tarnish your name or brand because you no longer wanted to be friends with them? Have you ever had an ex-friend accuse you of something you know damn well a friend should not do? Have you ever had an ex-friend try to make y’all other friends take sides? I know sometimes I can come off as being a bitch. I know my attitude can be horrible some days. I know I often work too much. I know there are things that I don’t hold myself accountable for. I know there are some situations where I need to apologize to people. Just like any relationship, a friendship also has its ups and downs. And just like relationships, it takes two to tango. To me, a real friend is someone who can admit when they’re wrong in a situation. To me, a real friend accepts who you are no matter what. To me, a real friend will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it. To me, a real friend is someone who encourages you and embraces you. I have dealt with a lot of unhealthy relationships when it comes to men. The last thing I need is an unhealthy relationship with “friends.” This is just part one. There is more to come. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“At some point, you have to take a step back and reflect on life.”
- 2 am Shower Thoughts
I knew going into my thirties I would be busy, but DAMN, not this busy. It seems after my birthday; I couldn’t sit down to reflect on life. I’m back working the usual two jobs, no days off while building a brand. At first, I missed this busy lifestyle. This lifestyle sets boundaries for those who are around me. I can easily make a plan or two if I wanted to. There is no more “you have time. I know you can do it”. It’s a control aspect to me. And if anyone knows me, knows I have to be in some form of control. I control my time with this busy lifestyle. I’m more in control of peace, or at least that’s what I thought. I often get wrapped up in other business ventures and try to help them so that I completely forget my own. And maybe me getting sick and finally sitting my ass down as brought back to one thing I do love writing. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Trust the next chapter in your life because you are the author.”
- Some Instagram Meme
I woke up on April 26, hungover, still drunk, and not knowing entirely what happened that night. All I remember is crying in the car, crying to “My DJ Ex,” and crying myself to sleep. I don’t know how or what to feel about “My Love” anymore. All I know is, I never want to feel this low about another man again. It’s the “unappreciative” thing for me. It’s the inconsistency that leads to my head wondering what the fuck are we doing here. It’s the whole you left me in the club while I was drunk. And I know I said I was done with him completely, but how can I let go of someone I have been down with for over 11 years. How do we go from having a civil conversation on everything that happened last year to us being back all in love to us hating each other all over? Maybe it was never true love. Because last time I checked, when you love someone, you love them through everything. I deserve someone who wants to give me the same passion I dish out. I deserve someone who can communicate effectively with me even when I am in a drunken state of mind. I’m tired, fed up, and when I tracked his location, I noticed he hadn’t been home in a couple of days. Strange right? Maybe he never meant to spend that night with me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.”
What I have noticed is men love the idea of me when it comes to dating. They love the fact that I am very business-oriented. They love the fact that I don’t have kids. They are very much so in love with my grind and my hustle. They are in love with my positions and titles that I hold in my career fields. They love the fact that I can rock a short hairstyle effortlessly. They love that I live on my own and can take care of my bills. They love the fact I can afford to buy myself luxury things and not depend on a man. And while most don’t want to admit it, they are much so in love with the brand “Don’t Date Her.” But in the end, What is that doing for me? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“You gotta move on with your life right in their faces.”
- A Thought
The month of March was about me setting up my finances for peace of mind. The month of April was about me setting boundaries. The universe has this weird way of removing people from your life when you are in the process of creating something big. This same thing happened when I dropped my book in December. Now that I am dropping an entire lipstick line and doing more things with my brand, many people are dropping out of my life. Not going to lie; in some ways, it hurts. My spiritual advisor told me this is my Shirley Valentine season. No matter what, I have to remain in the driver’s seat. Keep pushing, keep moving forward. Be the “Boss Ass Bitch” that I am. But damn, when does moving on become easy? See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"All of your hard work will soon pay off. Just keep pushing!"
- Late Night Uber Ride Thoughts
It's like this friends, I don't know where to begin with this blog post. All I know is, I'm TIRED! I wouldn't say mentally tired, but physically I am tired. It's been a lot going on lately with me as far as my career goes, so let me bring you guys up to speed. If you know personally, then you know I always keep another job on deck. So with indoor dining opening back up, you know ya girl had to go back in the service industry. I took on the role of acting Bar Manager for a new restaurant concept. With my book being out, it just makes more sense. I love both of the industries I'm in. It just gets tough sometimes trying to have a work-life balance with my own brand. My off days aren't my off days anymore. My off days are for creating content and building out more for this blog, this brand, my little "Black Owned Business." See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"Don't Disturb me if you aren't ready for me. I'm a whole ass blessing, not a fling".
-Some Instagram Meme
It was the charismatic charm, good morning everyday text, gun on the coffee table, me grinding on top of while he tonguing me down, feeding him tacos, and making Don Julio Anejo margaritas. It was his westside dangerous lifestyle that made me want to open my legs up to him. But I didn't. Instead, here we are, blocking each other on social media and me wanting to knock his head off in the club. My "Scammer Bae." He was something different from what I was used to, which made me attracted to him. That is also what made me say, "Nah, I'm cool on you." And maybe me coming to crib drunk one night is what made him say, "He is cool on me too." Who knows! All I know is I got a lot of shit going on, and I refuse to be blindsided by someone who can't see "The Goddess" in me. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"Enjoy yourself; that's what your 20's are for. Your 30's are to learn the lessons, and your 40's are to pay for the drinks".
- Carey Bradshaw Sex and The City
Well, I'd be damned! I'm turning 30 next week. I'm having a lot of anxiety about it. Maybe the thoughts of not knowing what to expect when I turn 30. Perhaps it's the thought of me not achieving everything I wanted to accomplish in my 20's. I had a small conversation with a co-worker, expressing to him how I felt about turning 30. He said, "T, from the outside looking in, you have accomplished a lot. More than others. Take this time to be excited about turning 30. Think of it as your new chapter in life. Go into your 30th year knowing you already have a head start on everything you want to accomplish. Stop holding back! Go in and Go crazy! Be more ferocious! And to be honest, the photoshoot I just did proved it all. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"It's like Tiffany's. And nothing bad can ever happen at Tiffany's".
-Breakfast at Tiffany's
Even though I'm working like crazy, things didn't turn out quite like I expected with "Scammer Bae" and given an anxious feeling turning 30, I have to make sure I'm on Shirley Valentine flow. Meaning no matter what obstacles life may throw at me when it comes to relationships and dealing with people as a whole, I must keep going. In the end, when I finally do reach my destination, maybe my husband will come to find me. And when he does, perhaps he won't recognize me. Because by then, I will have become the ferocious woman I am in my 30's. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"The best investment you can make is an investment in yourself. The more you learn, the more you'll earn."
- Warren Buffett
It's like this; I don't know where my sexual drive has gone. I searched everywhere and can't seem to find it. I believe I lost it around the time I was writing and publishing my book in November. It was around the same time, "My Love," and I fell out. Deep down, I didn't want any distractions and wanted to get my book out before thinking about anything else. I can honestly say seeing your brand grow into something big like a book is a huge confidence booster. I am not trying to say any guy who does not have their brand is beneath me. But I'm damn sure not about to give no man any pussy who can't buy a book or support my brand in no type of way. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"I'm pretty sure someone is going to read this and say WTF is Tati thinking right now. Shorty is crazy".
- My 1:30 am Thoughts While Writing This.
So here I am about to masturbate to the thought of "My New Guy" giving me the best head like he usually does, and guess what, I CAN'T DO IT. I even tried to look at old videos of myself and "The Light Skin Fella," and guess what, I CAN'T DO IT. Finally, I decided to masturbate to the thought of "My Love," and I have some amazing makeup sex, and I DID IT! But after I was done, I questioned I was truly ready to have sex with him again. The next day, I got a call from my "Scammer Boo." He cashapp me for three books and a little more for groceries. And to my surprise, me, myself, and pornhub had a field day that day. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
"The best revenge is to boss up physically, mentally, and financially."
- Some Instagram meme
Is this what happens to every woman that is in the entrepreneur glow phase? Do they only date men who can show support on the spot or whenever needed? Is this why most of the stereotypical woman CEOs and VPs are either single for a very long time or divorced? Is this what B Simone meant when she expressed her interest in only dating entrepreneur men? Or is it just me? It will be a month on Saturday since I released my book. And who would think all the men that are in the book aren't my type anymore. Surprise! I never lacked. I just transitioned. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“2021 is going to pay for my creativity” -2 AM Thoughts
This is my first new year's eve not working at a bar and not going out to party. Tonight is the first night in a couple of months where I have time to sit, be still, and be to myself, and do absolutely nothing but write. You wouldn't believe it, people, but my book took every little thing out of me. And while working two jobs, I was long overdue for a nice bubble bath, some manifestation sayings, and a glass of wine. I found myself mentally tired and too exhausted.
This year, I have learned three things:
1. You are not going to get the closure or the explanation you think you deserve.
2. Sometimes you have to accept something for what it is and move on.
3. Everything really does happen for a reason.
At the beginning of 2020, I was this frustrated person who didn't know what route to take in my life. I had a lot of opportunities as far as jobs but nothing career-wise. Covid hit the US, and although it broke my industry, it opened an immense opportunity for me in the cannabis world. It also forced me to take my blog during the quarantine and turn it into an actual business. I took all the necessary steps to rebuild the brand and structure it into a real business. Thus far leading me to publish my first book. I sought out therapy because I was broken as a woman and needed help healing. And even though none of my relationships worked out with any of the men, I dated in 2020, at least they can never say I wasn't an AINT SHIT AS WOMAN! See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Six Months of focus and hustle can change your life forever”- Instagram Meme
When I was little, I always told people that I would be a superstar of some sort. I could make it BroadWay. The little girl with the deep raspy voice who loved barbies, wearing purses, and with a big imagination is living out her dreams. If there were a thing I would tell my younger self is, never stop being you; unique and different. That is what is going to take us far in life. See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her.
“Best revenge is to boss up physically, mentally, and financially”-Convo with the girls
So here we are, friends, fifteen minutes to midnight! And I am walking into 2021 with more confidence as a woman ever. A Bald head, Bad-ass bitch! A writer, an author, and a business owner. A woman with amazing friends, family, coworkers all rooting for me! And the first time in a long. I am happy! Cheers to 2021! May every lesson be an immense blessing, and let no locked doors stop the show! Keep on pushing! See the irony in this? All the more reasons why not to date her!